Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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