I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
