I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
