Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
