Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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