allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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