She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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