Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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