it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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