i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
