What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
