So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
