Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
