break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.