Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Someone shit on the floor
thus making me awesome and them whores
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.