There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dating After Heartbreak
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.