Michael Bay diarrhea
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week