even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
