that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye