we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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