New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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