Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
