This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
