mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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