my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize