Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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