I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
