it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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