can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drake has all the answers
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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