I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
