umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
