Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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