if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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