That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
