i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
