i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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