Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
