I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
