called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
