i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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