I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
