You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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