Im at strip club and am horny
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
