Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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