I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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