I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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