They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
