if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
