This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
