peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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