I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
