Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My feet surprised me
Randomize
