is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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