Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
