Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
