I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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