Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
