I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
