shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
