apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize