How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
