Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
