Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
