Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
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