nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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