My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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