We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
