Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
