Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize