see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
