Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
