Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
