Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
