Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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