then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
