im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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