There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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