Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
