By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
