I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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