Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
