Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
