you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
