I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
