i just wanna soil my oats bro
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize